Twos

A toddler is someone who’ll wind up and clock you in the face and then sweetly ask ‘you k?’. 

My toddler’s understanding of the world has tripled, maybe even quadrupled, in the last few months and now I live with a master manipulator who seems to plans for me at all times of the day and night.  

Shortly after my second son was born my older one started to wake up in the night and call me and my husband into his room for various reasons. He knew he had us over a barrel because we were desperate to keep him from waking the baby. 

His requests ranged from reasonable ones like a hug, to totally unreasonable ones like being taken downstairs to watch what we refer to as B-U-B-B-L-E G-U-P-P-I-E-S.

No matter where you stand on screen time you are likely against it at 3am but at my most sleep deprived I fantasized about a TV attached to his crib that would play The Puppy and the Ring non-stop.

Waking up with both kids one after another in the night my husband and I found ourselves trying to reason with my toddler. Begging him to ‘cry quietly’ or bribing him with countless renditions of Little Blue Truck.  And obeying hie to every command (which lately is to read from the floor while he sits alone in the recliner like King tut). But no matter what we promise he’s usually up again before the sun. 

I have good days but I also have days where I loose everything, am late for everything,  and can’t make decisions. Whenever I find myself wondering  what’s wrong with me? I am then reminded that I have had very few uninterrupted nights sincte I got pregnant with my now two year old.  

Before you give me advice know that I have researched everything from night terrors to sleep regression. We have meticulously combed over his sleep habits, diet, and daytime activities for clues. What I have to conclude is that he’s in charge and he’s using this form of torture to assert his absolute authority.

Think that’s too mean?  Go a week without sleep and we’ll talk. 

Screaming Infidelities

This isn’t a post about an illicit affair so don’t get too excited. In fact, while I have your attention I don’t know how anyone has an affair while they have small children. I am a no-sweats, always mascara kind of girl and during these past few months I have caught sight of myself in the mirror at a store and thought YIKES! And even more importantly if I had any free time I would sleep. Nothing is better than sleep to me right now… nothing.

This is about hair. Hair that, as I used to belt out alongside Dashboard Confessional in my parent’s car, is everywhere.

I remember this happening after baby one but not to this extent. I find hair in our food, in everyone’s little fingers, all over the floor, sticking out of the dryer and bunched up on my car mat . I have to clean out my brush every single day. I also pull more and more hair out every time I touch it. It’s seemingly never-ending.

On top of that, I have to vacuum every day. This may also be because it’s summer and my toddler brings a sandcastle stored neatly in the cuff of his shorts or pocket of his sweater every time he comes inside. But the hair is all over the floor. I finally understand what our cat Ender was going through every spring.

When you look up hair loss you realize it’s just another thing that hormones slap you in the face with after years of menstrual cycles bleeding through your shorts in gym class. Thanks! hormones… you’re the best.

So even though it’s supposedly normal and I probably just need to pick up one of these:

or at least a Costco size Draino I still have to say it sucks.

About a boy

I knew my life had dramatically changed the day we brought my son home from the hospital. I had thought about that day for a long time. Way before he was conceived and maybe even before I was married. I thought about how lucky I would be to bring home my baby but also wondered how I’d ever take care of someone else,  especially someone so demanding!

When it finally happened. I was ecstatic to become a mom. I have never dedicated myself to anything more fiercely.

Two years later, he is the funniest most interesting person I have ever met and his baby brother has a smile that fills me up with pure fizzy delight. My whole life is cars, trucks and construction sites and I love it.

I have always been someone who gets engrossed in things and holds nothing back. And that obsession is how I find myself parenting but it’s hard. I’m so emotional when we have a hard day or someone is unpredictably upset. Despite all the knowledgeable advice not to I take everything so so personally.

However, my obsessive behaviour does pay off. I know my kids (who let’s face it are both still babies) can sense that I’m all in. If I try to text a friend or read an article that’s when bad behaviour rears its head. And then can I even call it bad?  It’s just my boys reminding me that they need me,  all of me,  right now.

I try to stay focused and engaged in my kids by creating opportunities for us to enjoy each other and the world around us. I set up race tracks and save boxes and toilet paper rolls for us to create in a way that’s engaging for my toddler and also for me. As a result, my boys are undeniably happy people.

Since making the leap from one to two I have not gone to a gym,  I have only been out on my own a handful of times and I have lost my wedding ring, car keys, and phone. I sometimes get a tandem nap going and dance out of the bedroom like, ‘awwwwwe yeah!  I’m killing it!’  but I’m really not. I’m a bit unravelled at any given moment and can search for something I’m holding for twenty min. or leave a playdate thinking who am I?!

But at two years into parenthood neither kid really picks up on my silly mistakes (like leaving the house without an extra diaper, or forgetting to put a bag on the pump while pumping) they just feed off my general emotional energy. And my end of the day, overall feeling is positive. This amazing adventure into parenthood is so far pretty awesome.